This morning Callum decided he needed some mother-son time. “How about I take you out for coffee, Mum?” He drove us into town and a short time later we were sipping cappuccinos, ready for a chat.

“So what’s been going on in your life?” I asked. “But be careful. I’ll probably go home and write a blog post about our conversation.”

Callum grinned. “That’s OK. I’m used to that. How’s my other blog posts doing anyway?”

Two of my most-popular-ever blog posts are stories about Callum: Life is a Blog Post and What About My Perfect Homeschooling Success Story? I wrote them, with Callum’s permission, basing them on conversations we’d shared over coffee.

“Two of them are still in my all-time top ten," I said. Callum grinned.  “They’re also in my most-popular-posts-of the-last-month top ten.”

“Oh?” He grinned even wider.

“But Sheep and Surgery and Confident Sons isn’t doing so well.”

“No?” The grin disappeared. 

"Life is a Blog Post was at the number 1 position," I consoled, "... but then I knocked you off the top spot with my story Hello Again.” It was my turn to grin.

“Well, you’ll just have to write another post about me. Something good that will become popular,” Callum decided. “I can’t be beaten by my mother.”

“What shall I write about?” I asked.

We sat and thought for a minute or two and then I said, “You could share your thoughts… I’ve been keeping up with an interesting discussion online about spanking and children. The big question is how do you make children do what you want them to do without smacking them? How do you teach them the right thing to do and remain a gentle parent?  I'm not a smacking mother… except for that time when you were eight and I was really frustrated… smacking didn't help.”

Callum grinned as he remembered my futile effort to smack him. “Yes, it didn't work. There’s a better way.”

“But what is it?” I asked. "What did I do that was effective if I didn't resort to smacking?" We sat sipping coffee and thinking and then we discussed the whole issue of how parents can best influence a child’s behaviour so he does what is right and necessary. I talked as a parent. Callum spoke from a child’s point of view. Together we came up with some theories, some interesting thoughts about the best way to be an effective and gentle parent.

And now I have material for another blog post based on another conversation with Callum. What will I call it? How to make Children Do What is Right without Smacking Them? How to be a Gentle Parent? But those titles sound like I will giving some expert advice. Of course I might not have the correct answers. I will not be putting myself forward as an authority. I just want to toss out a few ideas and thoughts and mull over the subject, just like I did with Callum. It will be his story. It will be his conversation.

I do love spending mother-son time with my second son, my true blogger’s son who doesn’t mind me writing about him. Of course, Callum also doesn’t mind his stories rising up the list of my most-popular-posts-ever either. I wonder if anyone will be interested in his new story. Will it become popular? Will it knock my story Hello Again from its high position?

I‘d better go away and write it and then we will wait and see.


Part 2: Influencing a Child to Do What is Right and Necessary

Post a Comment

  1. I love hearing our grown children's perspective.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erin,

      I do too! I have learnt so much from listening to their opinions. And talking to adult children is so interesting!

      Delete
  2. I'm sitting on the fence with this one because I've seen instances where smacking's been used effectively in a loving home and instances where it's been resented.

    Sometimes, I think if we listened more to our own hearts than to the advice of 'experts', we'd find parenting a much more joyful experience.

    Callum's very obliging - my teenagers are very shy of the camera and my blog posts:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vicky,

      I am only going to record our thoughts on the subject of smacking as far as our own experience goes. Yes, different things work in different families. Personally, smacking doesn't sit right with my heart and I didn't find it effective. It was just an outlet for my frustration. But for others... Everyone knows what is best for them and what they feel comfortable with. I am not judging anyone. But I am getting ahead of myself. I will share more of Callum's conversation in my next post!

      Yes, Callum is very obliging. I love sharing with him!

      Delete
  3. Sue, I enjoyed this post very much. As the mother of five sons, I often have conversations like this with my sons. I'm definitely with you on smacking. It has never felt right in my heart either (and at times, I've had to deal with rambunctious and sometimes misbehaving boys!) I believe there's always a better way to discipline. I love the term "gentle parenting."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ellen,

      Big sons are great to spend time with, aren't they?

      My boys were a lively bunch when they were younger too! They were a handful at times but lots of fun as well. It seems a miracle they turned into two sensible and calm young adults... adults who like to sit and chat and drink coffee and share opinions!

      Delete
  4. It's good to be able to talk openly with one's children.

    We've never used smacking.

    God bless.

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    Replies
    1. Victor,

      Yes, I am so glad I can sit down with Callum and talk about anything. We discuss all sorts of things, swapping ideas and listening to each other. It is good!

      Delete
  5. I spanked Michaela before and I cried the rest of the day :) So, yes, I'm very interested in this topic! I did it just as I was supposed to - waited until I was calm, cool, and collected and then spanked her. She suggested that maybe spanking wasn't such a good idea if it makes the spanker cry...lol.

    I smiled reading about the conversation between you and your son. You obviously have very good rapport with your son and all your children.

    God bless!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary,

      Michaela's suggestion made me smile. Maybe she was the calm, cool and collected one! It sounds like her opinions would be worth listening to and writing about. Children's thoughts are so interesting sometimes.

      My children indulge me. They don't mind sitting and chatting and sharing thoughts, which is quite brave of them knowing I am a blogger and always thinking about my next story!

      God bless!

      Delete
  6. Time to put on a big smile and join the HEEE HEEE MEME.

    Your invitation is at my Blog.

    God bless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you,Victor. I will take a look!

      Delete

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