If I could rewrite my very first post, it might go something like this...
I create my blog. I even write a post. I hit ‘publish’ and then I sit back and smile. I am feeling so clever and proud. My blog looks fantastic. My post is brilliant. Everyone is going to agree. The world is going to say, “How did we ever survive without Sue Elvis’ blog?” Sue Elvis Writes has hit the blogosphere and nothing will ever be the same again.
A minute goes by, and then another. I check my stats. No one has visited my blog. Five minutes… half an hour… an hour ticks by. Where is everyone? Why isn’t everyone flocking to read my very first post? “WHERE ARE YOU WORLD?” I shout.
And then I realise I have forgotten something very important. I know about my blog. My family knows about it too. But does the world?
Surely the world is aware that something momentous happened today. A huge electromagnetic wave must have swept through the blogosphere the moment I pressed ‘create blog’. Everyone must be asking, “What does that wave mean?” I shall tell them: "It was me! It was my blog coming into existence! Sue Elvis Writes has arrived!"
But how will I do that?
I sit quietly, deep in thought for a few minutes, and then this brilliant idea hits me. Who is the biggest name in the blogosphere? Who is famous for his deep and probing blogging interviews? Who has the power to make or break a new blogger? Bob Blogosphere, of course. All I have to do is get Bob to interview me and instantly I’ll have fans flocking to my blog. It will be overrun with readers. They will be astonished. They will be amazed. And I will be famous.
I brush my hair, grab a few photos, click my mouse a few times and before I know it, I am outside the Blogsphere News Building where Bob works. I glance at my watch. Bob is as regular as clockwork. In two minutes, he will emerge through that revolving door. He will go to the gym. He will work on his muscles. He will eat a healthy lunch. Well, he would if this were a normal day. But today he will do none of that. Today he will want to interview me. When Bob Blogosphere hears about my fantastic new blog, he won’t be able to resist. He’ll write a story about Sue Elvis Writes. It will get published in the Blogosphere News. Everyone will read it. Everyone will link to it. Yes, I shall be famous.
I stand by the door and wait. The door whizzes round and Bob makes his entrance onto the street. He looks left and then right. He smiles at his fans. He waves. He adjusts his sunnies.
“Mr Blogosphere,” I say. “I have a new blog…”
“Everyone has a new blog,” he interrupts, striding off down the road at full pace.
“But I’m sure you want to know about mine,” I say, running to keep up with him. “You could interview me.”
“Why would I want to interview you?” he asks, barely glancing in my direction. “Anyway, who are you?”
“Me?” I say rather breathlessly. (I’m not as fit as Bob Blogosphere.) “I’m Elvis’ wife.”
Bob Blogosphere comes to a sudden halt, and I bump into him.
“Yes,” I say. “And I have a new blog.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Bob grabs my arm and we retrace our steps to the Blogosphere News Building. The gym has been forgotten. The healthy lunch has been forgotten. Bob Blogosphere can smell big news. And he’s going to be the first to report it… like always.
We enter the elevator, and shoot to the top floor of the building. People scatter left, they scatter right, as Bob strides to his office with me in tow.
“I’m going to be busy for a while… a big interview,” he says. “No phone calls, no messages, no interruptions of any sort.”
Bob pushes me into a chair and settles himself behind his desk. His computer is open. He is ready.
“So you’re Elvis’ wife?” he says.
“Well, tell me about your blog.”
Part 2 to follow