Have you read Me? I'm Elvis' Wife (Part 1)?



Bob pushes me into a chair and settles himself behind his desk. His computer is open. He is ready.

“So you’re Elvis’ wife?” he says.

I nod.

“Well, tell me about your blog.”

The moment has arrived. I am sitting opposite the most famous man in the whole of the blogosphere. Bob Blogosphere is actually interviewing me, Sue Elvis, brand new blogger, proud creator of Sue Elvis Writes.

Bob glances into the mirror hanging next to his desk. He runs his fingers over his immaculately groomed head: not a hair out of place. He smiles at his reflection. Yes, he likes what he sees. Then he looks straight at me and says, “Well?”

Suddenly I am lost for words. There’s a lump in my throat. My tongue sits there in my mouth like a dry lump of leather.

“Let me help you,” sighs Bob. “Let’s start with some background information. Who were you before you were Elvis’ wife?”

That’s easy. “Susan Skeleton,” I say. “But everyone calls me Sue.”

“Good… Right Sue, tell me about your family. Do you have any children?”

“Yes.”

“How many?”

I think for a moment and then I say, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Bob Blogosphere is leaning forward. His eyebrows are raised. He forgets about his mirror. I have his full attention. 

“It all depends on your point of view,” I continue. “I have 7 living children. There’s Felicity, Duncan, Callum, Imogen, Charlotte, Sophie and Gemma-Rose. But I also have Thomas. He died when he was only one day old. And then there’s the 7 children that I lost by miscarriage.”

Bob’s eyes open wide.

I think for another moment. “As life begins at the moment of conception, I guess we have 15 children. Yes, definitely 15. No doubt about that at all.”

“15 children? Elvis has 15 children? How come I’ve never heard about this before?”

“Well, I guess that’s because I am the quiet type. I don’t seek the limelight. No, I am humble and retiring. I don’t push myself forward. It wouldn’t be like me to shout out about my children.”

“Quiet and retiring?”

“Yes. I keep the details of my life to myself.”

Elvis... 15 children... Bob just doesn't understand. He screws up his face in confusion. It’s not a pretty look. He realises and readjusts his features.

“Moving on… what are you going to write about on your blog?”

“Family life,” I say.

“Life with Elvis.” Bob is typing at a furious pace. “That’s good. I like that. That’ll attract a lot of readers.”

“And faith,” I add.

“Faith?”

“Yes, the Catholic faith.”

“So Elvis married a Catholic,” says Bob.

“No, he didn’t,” I say. “married a Catholic. I did say I’d never ever become a Catholic myself, but sometimes things don’t go as we imagine.”

Elvis is a Catholic?” Bob is looking confused again. “I didn’t know that. Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure! A cradle Catholic."

"Moving on..." says Bob again. "I don’t think writing about faith will be very interesting. No one will read posts about religion. Unless… you stir things up, say something controversial… start a religious argument.” He pauses. He smiles. He likes this idea. He likes it very much.

I shake my head emphatically. No, I am not a controversial-type person.

“Well, if you’re not prepared to get into a religious debate, I’d stick to writing about family life, if I were you.”

“Grief,” I suddenly say.

“Huh?”

“I’m going to write about grief.”

“No, definitely not!” says Bob. “Grief isn’t very popular at all. No one will read posts about grief. Who’s interested in all that sad stuff?”

“You’d be surprised,” I reply. Now it’s my turn to lean forward. “Everyone will experience grief some time in their life. Grief is suffering, you know. Everyone suffers.”

“I don’t,” says Bob firmly. He glances into the mirror again, to confirm that he is indeed perfect, before adding, “I am in total control of my life.” 

“I used to think that,” I say, but Bob isn’t listening.

“Are you planning on writing about anything else?"

“Unschooling,” I whisper.

“What's that?” shouts Bob. “Did you say UNSCHOOLING?” He is smiling. This is good. This is weird. This could be controversial. “Yes! Yes! Write about unschooling… and family life… but forget the grief and faith stuff.” He types some more words then looks at me. “Can you be funny? Humour is good.”

I shake my head. “I don’t do funny.”

“Oh well…” Bob looks disappointed.

Then I remember the photos I have in my bag. “Would you like some photos to go with your article?” I ask.

I dive into my bag. I hand a photo to Bob. He holds it at arm’s length, squints at it a bit, and then says, “Not one of his better days, eh?”



“Well, he was having trouble keeping his pants up and his shirt down. The kids kept shouting, ‘Dad, your tummy’s showing!’ And then when he’d rescued his shirt, they’d yell, ‘Pull your pants up, Dad!’ He was trying to sing at the same time. He had a lot to think about. Would you be looking your best if you had to do all that?”

Before Bob can give me an answer, I say, “I’ve a better photo somewhere… Here it is. This one’s of me and my beloved.” I pass across a second photo.


Bob looks at the picture. He compares it to the first. He holds it to the light. He turns it upside down and looks again. “This isn’t a picture of Elvis.”

“Of course it is,” I protest.

“This isn’t the photo of a superstar.”

“Of course it is,” I say again. “My husband is a superstar and that’s his photo.”

“What’s your husband’s name?” asks Bob, with a suspicious look in his eye.

“Elvis,” I say, wondering what all the fuss is about. “I’m Elvis’ wife. Remember?”

“Elvis Presley?”

“Of course not!” I say. “Elvis Presley doesn’t have 15 children. He’s not Catholic… well, I don’t think he is…. I mean was… How can I be married to him? Isn’t he dead?”

There is silence for a moment and then I say, “I’m married to Andy Elvis, superstar husband and father. Much better than Elvis Presley.”

Bob Blogosphere closes his computer. He picks up the phone. “Miss Bell,” he says, “There seems to have been a bit of a mix up. Could you please come and escort Sue Elvis to the elevator.”

A moment later, I find myself shooting back down the Blogosphere News Building. I spin through the revolving door and I am ejected onto the footpath. I pick myself up and head back to my blog.

I am glad to be back at Sue Elvis Writes. I walk through the door and look around. My blog still looks good. In fact, it looks fantastic. I smile. I wonder… Perhaps the world found my blog after all while I was away. I decide to check my stats, just in case. A few pageviews!! And then I see it: one comment:

Hi Mum,
Your blog looks fantastic. We loved your first post. It’s absolutely brilliant. Keep writing! Love from your biggest fans, your family.

And then I notice something else. I have followers!! All my children are following my blog. My children love me. Who cares about Bob Blogosphere?

I close my computer. I pour myself a glass of red wine. I sit back and relax. What a day! I think about Bob Blogosphere. I didn’t like his ideas at all. Not write about grief or faith? And be funny?  I shake my head. No, I certainly don’t do funny. Grief, unschooling, family life, faith, even blogging and writing, but none of that funny stuff. That’s not me at all.

I idly wonder if Bob will go ahead with the interview article. Somehow I don’t think he will. I will probably never hear from him again. I will have to find another way to tell the world about my blog.

Will I get any real followers?
Will anyone read my grief and faith posts?
Will anyone read any of my stories?
Will anyone stop to comment?
Will my blog be a success?
And will I ever hear from Bob Blogosphere again?

Please stay tuned to find out.

Post a Comment

  1. Sue Elvis! "I don’t do funny" you say, but I chuckled my way through most of this post and part one. Bob Blogosphere sounds like an interesting person. I'd like to hear more about your meetings with him ... are you writing a novel about him ;)

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    1. Uglemor,

      Thank you for chuckling! No, I'm not writing a novel about Bob Blogosphere. I created him the other day as I was thinking about part 1 of this story. His name just appeared in my mind and somehow he got entangled in my post! Now I am thinking I'd like to write more about him. I rather enjoyed adding a bit of fiction to my story, instead of using just the facts.

      God bless!

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  2. This was SO worth waiting for, and now I'm glued to the computer awaiting installment number three. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T DO FUNNY?!?!?!! You do funny better than almost anyone I know!! And wow, you have such a way with dialogue. Thanks from me (oh, me..?? .. I'm one of Elvis' wife's biggest fans....)

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    1. Nancy,

      I am so relieved you weren't disappointed. I had to get my children to proofread the post before I published it, to make sure I wasn't the only person laughing. They laughed too so I pressed 'publish'. Though I guess my children's reaction wasn't a guarantee that the post was humorous. They might only have laughed because they have the weird Elvis sense of humour. But you laughed too. Are we related?

      Wouldn't it have been funny if I'd said "I don't do funny," and all my readers agreed?

      I like writing dialogue. That's one of the things I enjoy most about writing my children's stories. They are simple and don't have a lot of character description, but their personalities are revealed through what they say. Nancy, I wonder if you write fiction.

      Instalment 3? I think I have finished rewriting my very first post ever. I like Bob though. It seems a shame to forget about him. I have an idea for another story where I could use him. I will think some more and maybe you will read about him again in the future.

      It's lovely to have my very own fan. Thank you!

      God bless!

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    2. Fans can be persistent critters, I hear (especially Elvis fans), so I'm boldly popping back in to tell you I'm laughing with tears streaming down my cheeks. You asked "wouldn't it have been funny if I'd said 'I don't do funny,' and all my readers agreed?" This line absolutely tickled my funnybone and I had to let you know, because fans are like that.

      I think it was the "please stay tuned to find out" that made me think of a possible third first post, which would in reality be a fourth first post, but this whole marvelous blog is the Next First Post, isn't it? Hooray!! The wait was over before it began!

      No, I don't write fiction. But I've read a lot of it, and one thing I really appreciate is dialogue that feels real. Yours is so well done that I forget the conversation isn't happening right in front of me.

      I'm thankful to be one of your many many fans...

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    3. Nancy,

      I am glad you are persistent. I love seeing you on my blog. I now have two official fans. There's Robyn who loves my children's book (she's 12) and now you. Who could ask for more? Thank you! There I was writing about my very first ever blog post only a few days ago, and now I have my very own fan club and two fans. Isn't life wonderful?

      I am still laughing about that 'I don't do funny' sentence too. I really don't know why it tickles my funny bone. Some humour doesn't make much sense.

      Bob Blogosphere is definitely returning in another story. I have it all worked out. I'd better get back to 'doing serious' first. I can't inflict any more silliness on my readers for a while yet.

      I was thinking more about dialogue. I like to use it in my real life stories too, and I am sure I've read dialogue in your posts as well. It doesn't have to be kept for fiction, does it? If I feel a post is plodding along, I usually go back and add some dialogue. It really helps liven things up!

      By the way, I'm one of your many many fans too. Did you notice how popular my daisy post about your blog is? It's been in my sidebar for some time now. Throw a famous name into a blog post and that'll guarantee a lot of visitors for a while!

      God bless!

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  3. You DO do funny...and you do it very well! You also do serious very well too. These two posts were awesome, Sue!! And Bob Blogosphere is a great character! Thanks for writing these posts - I enjoyed reading them so
    much :)

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  4. Hi Sue,
    I'm not sure if my comment went through or not. I forgot to sign in and then my comment disappeared into thin air.

    Just in case it didn't I wanted you to know how much I loved these posts! Thanks so much for writing them!

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    1. Mary,

      I know what you're doing: You are deliberately visiting my post and leaving a comment every time, so my stats will look good and I will feel very popular and loved. You are wonderful! Thank you!

      Also, thank you for your kind words. I had great fun writing these two posts. I never would have written them if you hadn't picked up on the words 'Elvis' wife' several posts back. It's great to have a bit of fun now and then. I suspect I will be getting back to more serious stuff soon!

      God bless!

      PS In case Nancy and Uglemor visit soon, and see I have answered your comments before theirs... I thought I'd better answer your comment quickly so you do not feel you have to write a 4th! Actually, I'll accept as many comments as you have time to write! I have been busy with the girls this morning, but after lunch I will have time to catch up with my blog.

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  6. Sue, this is hysterical! I think "funny" is one of the best things you do..but then you do each of the topics you mentioned so well. I'm so behind on blog time that I have much to catch up on over here in Elvis world...which I so love to visit :)

    On a more serious note, I didn't realize you had lost seven other babies in addition to your beloved Thomas. That's a lot of grief! But it does seem God called you to fill Heaven with precious, innocent children. I'm so grateful that He gave you the seven you have here on earth to love to pieces as you do. And...how old is that picture of you and Andy? You don't look old enough to have more than a couple of children. What a darling couple you make! xoxo

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    1. Patricia,

      You are so very sweet! The photo of Andy and I was taken on our 29th wedding anniversary last July, and we definitely have 15 children!! It's not often I find a photo of myself that I kind of like! It's an added bonus that Andy looks great too. But then again, he always looks okay in photos.

      It is so good to see you back at my blog. I hope this means you are feeling better.

      Losing all those babies? Patricia, it sounds like a lot of grief and it is, but I have also been overly blessed. God is so good. "God called you to fill Heaven with precious, innocent children." One day I will fully realise how wonderful that is.

      Thank you so much for laughing. Words are strange. Trying to convey humour using words only doesn't always work. I tried it on FB recently and I think my words fell flat!! It is so special having friends to smile with.

      God bless you!

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  7. I'm loving this series of blog posts!!! I want to know more about "unschooling'. I've read news articles about the concept, but have never known anyone to actually do it! I will have to peruse your archives. Good stuff.

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    1. Valerie,

      I am so glad you liked these recent posts. Thank you for reading them!

      Unschooling? Some people describe it as child-led learning or natural learning. Others say parents who unschool are lazy and irresponsible for putting so much trust in a child, and we need to keep our children's education firmly in our control!! Some people love the concept, and others frown on it. It can be a controversial topic!! I think unschooling is very misunderstand. It's not a passive way of homeschooling at all. It involves a lot of work and involvement by parents. It's not really the easy option a lot of people believe. I'm sure Bob Blogosphere would love to report on the unschooling debate!!

      Please feel free to peruse my archives. I actually have an unschooling blog too. I know your children are in school so it is lovely of you to take an interest in what I am doing with my children. We don't have to make the same choices for our children, do we? I love hearing about other people's experiences, and I enjoyed watching your school video a few days ago.

      God bless!

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  8. Sue, you ARE funny! I was cracking up at the bit about your husband impersonating Elvis!

    I'm so glad you write about what you do. I think I may have found your blog shortly before getting pregnant with the child I recently miscarried. Your emails to me really helped me through my grief process...you have a ministry here on this blog and I'm grateful I was led here.

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    1. Elizabeth,

      I am beginning to think all my blogging friends have the same weird sense of humour I have! Thank you for laughing.

      I've been thinking about how we got to know each other. Could it have been on my unschooling blog around the time of St Therese's feast day last year? I am almost certain you stopped to say hello on that blog, before we met up again here. I am so glad you did stop and comment otherwise we wouldn't be friends.

      Thank you for your kind words about the emails. I was hoping I hadn't been intruding upon your grief. It is good to share experiences and try to help each other. I am grateful we have the opportunity to do this through blogs and emails. They really connect us together. I hope you are feeling more at peace.

      God bless!

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  9. Hilarious and so creative! I love this post! You never cease to amaze me and make me smile! Your blog is truly my favorite to read, Sue. You put so much of yourself out there that your readers feel that they really know you. You do write about things that I am very interested in! Since you got thirteen comments on this post alone (and more to come, I'm sure), I think that others must feel the way that I do! Keep 'em coming, friend:)

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    1. Dana,

      I have been feeling a bit crazy recently. These strange ideas come into my mind (I don't know where from) and I find myself writing about the weirdest things. I will blame such friends as Mary whose sense of humour seems to be catching!

      Thank you for all your kind words. I think it is easy to be myself while writing. I know myself very well! In some ways it would be much harder to be reserved, as this would restrict what I could say. There are a couple of areas in my life I don't write about, but not much!

      I think we must have lots in common as we are interested in similar things. Actually the differences are interesting too. I like hearing about your life in America which is different to my life. I also love looking at your exquisite photos which put mine to shame. And then there's your garden. I hate gardening but I DO love looking at the photos of yours!

      I am laughing about the number of comments. Nancy and Mary have bumped the number of comments up by visiting several times each. Wasn't that kind of them? Now it looks like this post is very popular!

      Keep 'em coming? I just don't know how I am going to top this post. Back to some ordinary posts, I guess.

      Dana, I always love chatting to you on our blogs. Thank you for visiting today.

      God bless!

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  10. Hi Sue, you should always say you CAN do humor! You are a multi-talented blogger! I enjoyed how you pursued Mr. Blogosphere and didn't let him brush you off!

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    1. Noreen,

      Thank you for your kind words. I wouldn't have been interviewed if I hadn't pursued Bob Blogosphere. I can be determined when I want to be. Bob Blogosphere or me? I think I will win in the end!

      Thank you for your comment.

      God bless!

      Delete
  11. You're quite right - you don't 'do' funny but you ARE very funny! Love your writing!! xx

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    1. Vicky,

      Thank you! It's great to see you back in the blogging world.

      God bless!

      Delete

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