This post is for my sister who always stops to comment and encourage me, regardless of whether my posts are brilliant or not.

I have this brilliant idea. I run to my computer and start typing. My fingers fly over the keys and every now and then, I smile. I can’t help it. This post is going to be so good. Eventually my fingers come to a halt and I read what’s appeared on the screen. I change a word here and there, reread my post, change some more words… until I am satisfied. Yes, my idea was brilliant. My post is brilliant. I am brilliant. Look at how skilfully I have expressed myself. The words are just right. Perfect.  Wait until everyone reads this. I can’t wait to share.

I hit ‘publish’. There! Done! Have I got time to make some coffee before the comments come flooding in? I decide I can risk a few minutes away from my computer. I fill the kettle and wait impatiently while the water boils. Then I rush back to my seat.

I head straight to my Dashboard to read the comments… and there aren’t any. And I think, “Where is everyone? Why isn’t everyone at their computers waiting for my post to be published? It’s brilliant."

A vague thought enters my mind: Could there be more important things than my post? Families, work, chores, crying babies, homeschooling… No. It’s more likely everyone is away from their computers making coffee.

So five minutes pass. Surely everyone has returned by now. They’ll all have read my post. They will think it is wonderful. My Dashboard will soon be overflowing with comments. But when I look… there still aren’t any.

By the time bedtime arrives, I am sighing deeply. No one has commented on my brilliant post. It hasn’t even had many page views. Should I sit up and wait for everyone to discover it? Or should I go to bed? I decide to go to bed. I smile because I’ve had a new thought.  I will be away from my computer for 8 whole hours. By the time I get up tomorrow, I will need to publish comment after comment after comment.

So I lie in bed but I can’t sleep. Words from my post keep running through my head. Finally, I drift off.

The next morning I wake instantly. I can’t wait to go online. But first, I make myself shower and have breakfast, say my prayers and do the chores. I am putting off that moment of pleasure, enjoying the anticipation. Finally I let myself turn on the computer and… I am disappointed.

A vague thought enters my head: Perhaps my post wasn’t that brilliant after all. No. It’s more likely everyone is on holiday away from their computers.

By lunch time I am fed up. I am never going to write another post. No one appreciates me. What’s the point of writing such brilliant stuff if no one reads it? I might as well talk to myself. So I resolve to give up blogging. That’s it. That’s the end of my writing career. I have no more to say.

So I close my computer. I make some coffee and think about what I’m going to do now that I’m an ex-blogger. Five minutes pass, then ten and then…

This brilliant idea pops into my head. Where did it come from? No one has ever had such a great idea before. I am sure of it. I must write it down, share it with the world. Everyone is going to be astounded. They are going to say, “Sue, we have never read such a brilliant post as this.”

So I run to my computer and start typing… The last post has been forgotten. I am chasing a new idea.

And then I remember I’m an ex-blogger. I’ve given up writing. I pause, my hands on the keyboard. After a moment,  I think, “Give up writing? What a stupid idea that was!” What a stupid woman I am.

I can’t help myself. I have to write. My fingers fly over the keyboard and I smile as the words appear. This is going to be brilliant!

Then a vague thought appears in my head: What if my post isn’t brilliant? What if no one likes it? I think about this some more. I finally admit to myself that it probably won’t be as brilliant as I hope. Does that matter? You know, I don’t think it does.

The thrill is in the writing, not in the applause.

I finish my post. I hit ‘publish’ and before I know it, to my surprise, there’s a comment: “Just saw your last two posts, Sue… I've been away from my computer... Brilliant! love from your sister.”

Sisters? I smile. Mine is brilliant.

Is anyone doing NaNoWriMo next month? Is anyone going to write a novel in one month? If you are, please share!

Post a Comment

  1. I'm glad you changed your mind about blogging - you make me laugh! Besides, you're a natural writer. You'll be rewriting your own epitaph as they're lowering the coffin;-)

    I know what you mean about the thrill being in the writing - or the doing. Being creative is so uplifting that it inspires us to share but it's also completely satisfying, isn't it? We'd do it, anyway.

    Brilliant post, again, Sue!! It was fun to read xxx

    1. Vicky,

      I am glad I made you smile. Yes, it is certainly thrilling to create. In my case, that's writing, and in yours, drawing, painting... It's a need within us which has to be expressed whether anyone is reading or looking or not. But it is true there's also an urge to share. I don't think it's because we want people to say we are brilliant. I really don't understand why our pleasure is increased when we share...

      Brilliant post? Brilliant sister! Thank you for reading.

  2. You have cracked me up Sue. I am pretty sure that we all feel like this at one time or another. You are lucky to have a sister, especially a supportive one. I always wanted a sister and ended up with three brothers!

    1. Multi-tasking Mama,

      This is of course a made-up story but it contains elements of truth. We all like to write otherwise why would we blog? And from time to time, I imagine most people feel a little let down when no one reads their posts. And though the process of writing is the most important, a few appreciative comments do give us a warm feeling. We all need some encouraging words now and then.

      Yes, I am fortunate to have my brilliant sister. Actually I have two brilliant sisters so I am spoilt. I think about my girls. They have four sisters each. They'll be sharing so much woman/mother stuff in the future.

      Brothers are good too! My girls love having big brothers to spoil and look after them. I wonder if you grew up as a tomboy, being treated as a mate by your brothers. Or were you the princess among men?

      Thank you so much for stopping and commenting. It is certainly nice to see comments waiting to be moderated!

  3. In a word "Brilliant"

    Thanks for making me smile today. I wish I had as many creative ideas for writing as you seem to!

    1. Tricia,

      I am glad you enjoyed my post. Actually I think I may be going mad. I've had some weird post ideas lately! I don't know where they are coming from. It's fun to write them though.

      Thank you for reading and for your comment!

  4. Hi funny! I could relate! I'm always telling the Lord that my blog is just for Him, but I know He understands how much we enjoy the feedback. It amuses me that the most popular, by far, post on my blog doesn't have a single comment. Go figure!

    BTW, you really are brillant! Love your writing.... :)

    1. Patricia,

      Perhaps your most popular post was so brilliant it left everyone speechless!

      What I find strange is that sometimes my favourite posts don't seem to be readers' favourites. The most popular of my posts is "Hello Again" and I am wondering why. That post isn't that interesting at all. The title doesn't even sound intriguing.

      "I'm always telling the Lord that my blog is just for Him, but I know He understands how much we enjoy the feedback." Yes, when I don't get any or many comments, I just say, "Well, my blog is in Your hands, Lord. I shouldn't worry about success." But there is joy when people stop to share and we chat and enjoy and encourage each other... I think God delights in that joy as much as we do.

      Patricia, I remember your encouraging words on my Hannah's Tears post. Thank you again for your kind words.

      God bless!

  5. Hi Sue! Thank you for visiting me last night...and for leaving your kind comment. I've been wanting to get back here to thank you for solving the mystery of my "uncommented" most popular post. Ahhhh, so I left them all speechless! Indeed, that must be it...especially coming from one who herself has been certified as "brilliant" by her very own sister :)

    I left you a comment on my blog. Although we don't know each other, I have come to "know" you through your grief posts. And...I feel very close to you. I did not lose a child as you did, but in a sense, I "lost" all of my children, since I was never able to conceive. For me, it has been a lifelong grief...even though we were blessed with a wonderful adoptive son. It's the mystery of conceiving and bearing life which still haunts unfufilled longing which will follow me all of my days. I find comfort in trusting that God would do no less than what is best for me/us and His Glory. So...I await the revelation which will come one day in Heaven.

    Blessings, Sue! It is a joy to know you. :)

    1. Patricia,

      I was so happy to see your comment waiting for me this morning. Thank you!

      I often can't find the right words to make a comment when I read a brilliant blog post. Some posts are just too clever for me, and I might reveal my ignorance if I start to comment. So I creep away taking with me, plenty to think about!

      I've thought of another reason your post could have no comments. Sometimes a post will affect a reader deeply but not all of us like to reveal our inner feelings. A reader might again quietly exit, but feel they made a connection through the post. I hope this is the case with my grief blog because hardly a post on that blog has a comment!

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, Patricia. I know about longing and hoping for a child. It can be all-consuming and nothing else seems as important. In my case, my longings were answered. I am sorry you carry such grief with you every day. God has certainly asked you to bear a big burden.

      I imagine your son is such a great joy to you, but yes, we can still carry our sorrows inside us while appreciating our gifts too.

      I was thinking yesterday about the Second Coming of Jesus. And then I read your post. Too often we are distracted by our ties to our life here on Earth. But yesterday I really felt that longing for Jesus to return. I felt so tired of the struggle regardless of the joys. I just wanted to go home. "I await the revelation which will come one day in Heaven." Yes, sometimes I am impatient for that time. Our tears will be over, we will KNOW. But for now we keep on trusting.

      "It is a joy to know you" Not many people would stop and say such beautiful words. Thank you! I am sitting here filled with joy myself and glad that we are now friends.

      God bless!

  6. Hi's just me popping in to tell you that I am looking forward to finding some quiet time to respond to your "letter" comment :) I also leave letter length comments all over the place...especially as responses on my own blog. I love that you do the same.

    I know what you mean about "wanting to go home." Sometimes I am so tired and overwhelmed that I feel that way too, and it seems so very long until the Lord comes again in Glory. But I always catch myself and say, "Oh Jesus..but I'm not ready to die yet! Don't pay any attention to me." I know He understands. Still, there is that very real longing for that place of peace and joy and love and rest, without end.

    I rather like this period of trusting though. I often think that this time is so precious, because never again will we have anything that costs us something, to offer to God. It is here alone, on this earth, that we dwell in faith...trusting in a God we cannot see. Believing in His Promises. Bearing our crosses and still loving Him through our tears. I think this must bring Him great joy.

    It is like the Saints say, "Suffering is sweet..." For them, always, perhaps. For me...on my good days :) But yet, I see how God so cherishes his children bathed in sorrow and pain, but keeping their eyes fixed on Him. So like His Son. I am so sure that in our suffering, He embraces us and covers us with when you stood on the edge of the sea those few weeks after Thomas had died.

    Your love for your little son is amazing. I never tire of reading about it. It's so utterly beautiful...almost not of this world. It reminds me of how God loves us....if you can love Thomas so much, what must God's Love for us be?

    I thought of you last night. Johnette Benkovic (Women of Grace, EWTN, etc.) retold the story of the night her 25 year old son died in a vehicular accident. I remembered another time she told it, and how she said that she grieved most for Simon "in my womb."

    Then she went on to say that the DNA of a biological mother's child remains always with her. I thought that was stunningly beautiful. I looked it up and read more about this fascinating subject, and learned that the DNA of each child helps strengthen the immune system of the mother, by stimulating it just a bit...since the child's DNA is "foreign" in a sense..and yet helps mom. How wise and beautiful are God's Ways!

    I see I am on the verge of a letter here :) I would love to go on, but it is outrageously late...even for a night owl like me.

    I enjoyed my visit. I find myself drawn to you and your beautiful writings about Thomas. There is something of heaven in them...a love which truly transcends death and seems only to grow deeper with time.

    You are such a precious soul, for God has given you such a great capacity to love.

    God bless you too!

    1. Patricia,

      I am so glad you didn't mind my letter length comment! I think blogging is such a wonderful way of sharing. We read and think and discuss and learn from each other, and encourage each other along. A quick comment is sometimes not enough. I really do appreciate it when you or another reader takes the time to talk and share.

      I often have thoughts that I hope God will not pay attention to! I say, "make me a saint!" and then I think of the sufferings and sacrifices that that will entail, and I shake with fear, and hope God didn't take me too seriously! But He knows I really do yearn to love Him more. I just feel the need to remind Him I am weak and please, I need to go in easy steps!

      This period of trusting... Oh I do like those thoughts. I shall have to mull them over some more. Thank you! "He embraces us and covers us with kisses...." Yes, suffering can be so very sweet when we realise this.

      I think God has taught me so much about love through Thomas. What is love? I am sure it is God, and when we love someone with a pure love, we must also love and feel God's presence. Thomas is so bound up with my thoughts of God anyway. And yes, God's love for us must be so infinite. My heart bursts with love sometimes. But God's for us? Wow!

      I thought I'd run out of Thomas stories a long time ago. How much can a person find to write about a child who lived only one day? And a whole blog of stories about that child... Readers are very kind sharing so many. I am glad you don't tire of them as I love sharing my son.

      I hadn't heard Johnette Benkovic's story. Thank you for telling me about the loss of her son and about the DNA. I think God surrounds us with so many gifts. We look and ponder and God reveals something else about Himself and His ways. And I am sure we still only touch the surface.

      Patricia, thank you for visiting again and chatting to me. And for your kind words. I really do believe we are ALL precious souls with a huge capacity for love. My little work for God is to write about that love, as I tell my Thomas stories. It's my 'thank you'. But your words are encouraging me to continue writing and not give up blogging. I am smiling as I remember these words: "So I resolve to give up blogging. That’s it. That’s the end of my writing career. I have no more to say." I did enjoy writing that post!

      God bless you, Patricia. And thank you for your friendship.


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